In a rare sit-down during his rehab, Justin Laines talks about the oblique, the chase for the Warcats, and the one thing he still hasn’t done.

By Elias Thorne | May 16, 2040

Justin Laines does not like talking about himself. In fifteen years of covering the Biscuits, I have learned that getting a quote from him about a personal milestone is like trying to pull a molar with a pair of tweezers. Ask him about his 300th home run, and he’ll talk about the guy who drew the walk ahead of him. Ask him about his MVP season, and he’ll praise the pitching staff.

But with the oblique strain keeping him off the field for the first time in years, Laines is in a reflective mood. We sat down in the empty Biscuits dugout yesterday morning, the sounds of batting practice ringing in the cage tunnel behind us.

Thorne: You’ve been durable your whole career. 1,900 games. Does this one feel different? Being forced to watch?

Laines: It’s annoying. That’s the only word for it. You spend fifteen years building a routine. Wake up, coffee, cage, stretch, grounders. Your body knows what time it is better than the clock does. Suddenly, you wake up and you can’t do the thing you’re built to do. It’s… quiet. Too quiet.

Thorne: The team is 12-5. They’re holding the line without you.

Laines: They’re doing more than holding the line. Look at what [Rookie/Young Player Name] is doing up the middle. The kid has range. It’s good to see. My job right now isn’t to hit cleanup. It’s to make sure they know that just because I’m not on the field doesn’t mean I’m not watching. I see everything.

Thorne: Everyone is talking about the Warcats. 13-2 start. Does it feel like 2030 again? The rivalry?

Laines: Alpine is always going to be Alpine. They hit, they spend, they talk. Let them talk. It’s May. You don’t win the Allison Division in May. I remember ’32. We were five games back in August. Everyone panicked except us. We just kept hitting our singles, moving the runner over. Baseball rewards patience.

Thorne: You’re 90 hits away from 2,000. It’s a number only a few guys in this league have ever sniffed. Does that weigh on you?

Laines: (Laughs) Only when you bring it up, Elias. Look, numbers are for the back of the baseball card. When I’m done, I’ll look at the numbers. Right now? I just want to get this oblique right so I can get back for the stretch run. If I get 2,000 hits and we miss the playoffs, it’s a bad year. If I get stuck at 1,999 and we win the ring? I’ll trade that hit every day of the week.

The Book on The Rock: Pitchers Confidential

We asked pitchers around the LMBL—past and present—what it’s really like to face Justin Laines. The answers reveal why he is the toughest out in league history.

Ryan Amling (P, El Cajon Alliance)

Lifetime vs. Laines: .214 AVG (3-for-14), 1 HR

“Here’s the thing about Justin: He never expands. Ever. You get him 0-2, and you think, ‘Okay, I’m going to bury this slider in the dirt.’ Most guys chase that. Justin just watches it. He watches it like he’s judging a potato sack race. He doesn’t flinch. Now it’s 1-2. You try to climb the ladder with a fastball. He takes it. 2-2. Now you’re sweating, because you know if you make a mistake, he’s going to hurt you. I’ve faced him 14 times and I think I’ve made exactly one bad pitch, and he put it in the seats. That’s the margin.”

Estevan Aguilar (P, Retired)

Lifetime vs. Laines: .154 AVG (2-for-13), 0 HR

“I owned him. Put that in the paper. (Laughs). No, look, I had a good book on him. I knew he liked to get his arms extended from the left side, so I busted him inside, cutter, cutter, cutter. I jammed him. But even when you get him out, he hits it hard. I remember looking at the box score after a game where I went 0-for-3 against him and thinking, ‘Man, I got lucky.’ He lined out to third twice. If those are two feet to the left, my ERA is double.”

Willie Aquino (P, Van Horn Cottonmouths)

Lifetime vs. Laines: .267 AVG (4-for-15), 1 HR

“He’s a machine. I tried everything. Changeups away? He slapped them to left. Fastballs up? He turned on them. The only time I ever felt good facing him was when no one was on base. Because if there were runners on, his focus level changed. You could see his eyes narrow. He stops trying to hit a home run and just tries to kill you with a single. That’s scarier.”

Franklin Anciso (P, Spring Motors)

Lifetime vs. Laines: .333 AVG (2-for-6), 1 HR

“He’s the smartest hitter I’ve ever seen. The first time I faced him, I got him on a curveball. Just buckled him. The next time I faced him, three months later, same count, same situation. I thought, ‘I’ll go back to the well.’ He was sitting on it. He didn’t even load. He just waited for it and hit a rocket into the gap. He remembers everything.”

Anonymous AL Scout

“There are guys in this league with faster bat speed. There are guys with more raw power. But there is nobody I would trust more with the season on the line. Laines is the only guy in the league who doesn’t have a cold zone. You look at the heat maps, and it’s just red everywhere. You don’t pitch to Justin Laines; you just survive him.”