THE MORNING BISCUIT

From the Biscuits’ dynasty to the Schuyler drought, we break down the history, the hierarchy, and the hope of the La Mesa Baseball League.

By Elias Thorne | May 17, 2040

Fifteen years ago, the first pitch was thrown in the La Mesa Baseball League. We didn’t know then that we were watching the birth of a dynasty in Glenira, or that the Nentra Cannoneers would become the league’s great villain, or that we would still be waiting—a decade and a half later—for the Schuyler Attack to play a meaningful game in October.

The LMBL has grown into a 36-team ecosystem of triumph and tragedy. As we settle into the 2040 campaign, it is the perfect time to look at the hierarchy of our baseball world. The data doesn’t lie: this is a league of haves and have-nots.

The Twin Towers: Glenira and Nentra

If you are a fan of the Glenira Biscuits, you have lived a charmed life. The numbers are staggering. In 15 seasons, the Biscuits have missed the playoffs only three times. They possess the league’s highest winning percentage (.571) and stand alone with three World Series titles.

But they are not alone at the summit. The Nentra Cannoneers have been the Frazier to their Ali. Nentra trails Glenira by just 10 total wins over 15 years (1,328 to 1,338) and has secured two championships of their own. The history of this league is essentially the history of these two juggernauts trading punches while everyone else fights for the undercard.

The Contender Class

Below the gods, there is a tier of dangerous, capable franchises. The Molsan Donkeys deserve special mention. They play a scrappy, chaotic brand of baseball that has earned them two championships despite a winning percentage (.521) that is good but not historic. They are the team you don’t want to see in a short series.

The Spring Motors (.538) and Shasta Maulers (.542) are the league’s analytics darlings—efficient, consistent winning machines that have each snagged a ring. They are the model franchises: rarely bad, always competitive.

The Sleeping Giant

And then we have the Alpine Warcats. If you look at the history books, they are mediocre: a .490 winning percentage, three playoff appearances, zero titles. They are the definition of “average.”

But anyone watching them in 2040 knows that the history books might be wrong. Their 13-2 start this season isn’t just a hot streak; it feels like an awakening. After 15 years of slumber, the Warcats finally have the claws to match their name.

The Basement

We must, unfortunately, address the bottom. It is a cold, dark place. The Schuyler Attack (1018-1327), Quince Golden Grizzlies, and Campo Crosscutters share a dubious distinction: zero playoff appearances. Fifteen years. Forty-five combined seasons. Zero October games.

For fans in Schuyler, the pain is acute. They have lost nearly 300 more games than they have won. They are the Washington Generals of the LMBL, existing seemingly only to pad the win totals of the Biscuits and Cannoneers.

LMBL All-Time Leaderboard (2025-2039)

Team	W	L	PCT	Playoffs	Titles
Glenira Biscuits	1,338	1,004	.571	12	3
Nentra Cannoneers	1,328	1,013	.567	11	2
Spring Motors	1,260	1,084	.538	8	1
Shasta Maulers	1,270	1,073	.542	8	1
Molsan Donkeys	1,227	1,127	.521	5	2
Nagel Wizards	1,239	1,104	.529	8	1
Alpine Warcats	1,147	1,196	.490	3	0
Schuyler Attack	1,018	1,327	.434	0	0

Table displays select notable franchises. Complete league history available in the archives.